[First off, I don't know who this article is for. Is it a self-own? Is it an attempt at some kind of humble-bragging by way of self-deprication? What is someone else going to get out of me describing the house that I live in, and my feelings about smart home appliances reinforced because our house was built in 1917? Why did I even think that this was a good idea? But here we are, over 1,200 words later, and I've saddled myself with an article about how I have a form of technology that I know I could live without and have no deep love for, but use on a near-daily basis in a way that has helped Amazon lose upwards of $25,000,000,000 as of 2021; so probably an additional $10-15 billion since then because I typically only ask Alexa what the weather will be over the weekend and what time the sun will set on Sunday August 10th in Lake Arrowhead, CA.]
I don't mind smart home devices. We have two Amazon Echo Dots, one in the living room and one in our sous-sol, which is where our TV and video game consoles are hooked up, along with three of our bookcases. We also have three smart plugs connected to lights in the living room, the sous-sol, and the bedroom. We also have a portable A/C unit and a wall-mounted heater in The Squire's bedroom, both are connected to our Alexa app. Our house is also 108 years old with no central A/C or heat: central, gas, hydro, or otherwise. Two of our rooms have electric floor heaters, while three others have those internally mounted electric fan heaters, you know the ones. This is to say that very little in our house is centrally connected, although I can turn on and off lights and the A/C and heater from the comfort of our bed if I really wanted to.
For our two Echo Dots, we predominantly use the one in the living room, asking the temperature for various locations, what time sunset will be on a particular day, to play a particular song, or to tell The Squire what day of the week it is when he's convinced that it should be the weekend at 6:45 AM on a Wednesday morning; me too little Dude, me too. The first thing I did after my older sister gave us our first Echo Dot, after the obvious steps to set up the device, was to disable voice purchasing from Amazon. What I was most afraid of with this smart device was accidentally ordering something while drunk, not that I got drunk often at that point, but I have been known to make impulse purchases online after a couple of beers or an exquisitely tasty edible. So I really didn't need a 55-gallon drum of lube showing up at our house and a $1,969.69 (heh, nice) payment on my credit card statement.
Maybe it's because I'm a geriatric millennial, or a Xelenial, or a Gen-Xer, but I like some semblance of tactile response when buying something, which is probably not the right word. I don't necessarily need to feel a pair of earbuds or a cookbook before buying it, but I do like to look at something before I buy it. I also like to look at the price history to know if I'm getting a good price for something, and not that something last week saw a 25% price increase and yesterday saw a 10% price drop. Do the black earbuds cost the same as the orange earbuds? I've never actually used our Echo Dot to make phone calls, partly because I carry my phone with me, but mostly because I use aliases for all of the contacts in my phone, and while not Echo Dot specific, I've never had a great experience using the voice-activated calling in my car. And how would you pronounce "Mümer and Püper" in a way that Alexa would understand?
That's another issue I have specifically with the voice recognition of Alexa. Some of the bands I like to listen to don't have English names, or if they do, they're not always understood. How would you pronounce "Feuerschwanz" in a way that Alexa would understand? Because saying the band's name the way you would pronounce it with an American accent doesn't work, because Alexa is expecting to hear an English word, and instead, you're speaking German slang. If you throw in Roman numerals, all bets are off. If I want to hear the soundtrack to The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, specifically the score from the video game and not someone's interpretation of "From Past to Present," I have to say "The Elder Scrolls Vee, Skyrim by Jeremy Soul-lay," even though that's not how you pronounce his last name. I've never had any luck getting Alexa to play the soundtrack to LIVE A LIVE HD-2D Remaster even before the album was delisted from Amazon, despite having purchased it through Amazon; it's the same issue with Equilibrium's album "Erdentempel."
So last year, when Amazon announced that they were looking into charging for an upgraded Alexa experience with Alexa+, I scoffed at the idea of paying for an upgraded service when their existing service was, more or less, doing alright. Sure, Alexa doesn't always play the correct song/band/album when I say, "Play the song Leshiy by Arkona," but I would need to actually test the product myself before even considering paying an additional $10/month to communicate with an upgraded learning-language model. On top of that, though, I also have no interest in any of the upgraded services that come with Alexa+, such as account linking with Uber, Ticketmaster, or OpenTable. I genuinely have no desire to request an Uber by voice command or order tickets to a show without specifically seeing where all possible seat locations are and the breakdown of all of the fees, hidden and otherwise.
I get that people, myself included, are not using their smart home devices in ways that are designed to make someone else money by way of additional convenience fees, and in doing so, were and are part of Amazon's problem. I have no problem being inconvenient for Amazon's higher-ups. If Amazon were to require any kind of fee for use of their voice assistant, I would only be minorly inconvenienced at now having to unplug the string of lights in our living room and not being able to play (occasionally) play music upon command, but then I would also be saving the price of Amazon's music service too.
But this is all based on my own personal biases. Just because we have a handful of limited smart devices that we limitively use doesn't mean that other people aren't excited by making purchases from Amazon or scheduling an Uber pickup using only voice commands. I recognize that. But I thought that it was something worth talking about as we enter the era of paid AI LLMs as in-home assistants, and remember all of the people who are not participating in this branch of the economy for whatever reason. It's all computer after all.
If you like, you can go back up to the top and reread that opening paragraph, because it also works as a great closing statement.
~JWfW/JDub/The Faceplantman/Jaconian
There's a Man with Tattered Clothes who's Cursing at the Air