Thoughts on The Legend of Zelda Live-Action Movie

When it was first announced last month that Nintendo was planning on a live-action Legend of Zelda movie, I knew that I wanted to write/talk about it, but at the same time, I felt like I needed to wait for the dust to settle.  So here we are.  

I don't know how to feel about a live-action adaptation of The Legend of Zelda.  I mean, I'm partly excited, but "cautiously optimistic" is an understatement.  Plus, by "live action," does Nintendo mean it in the same way that the 2019 The Lion King was advertised as "live action?"  Is it going to be an adaptation of an existing Legend of Zelda game, or is it going to be an entirely new story where Ganon captures Princess Zelda and Chris Pratt as Link rescues her with the help of Link's brother Tingle as played by Danny Devito?  And who the hell is Machine Gun Kelly and what's with his entitlement?

I know there's a lot of online talk about which actor should portray Link and they all are over 17-18, which is the oldest that Link has ever been in any game (not taking into account the 100-year time jump in Breath of the Wild), whereas in the original LoZ and the beginning of Ocarina of Time, he's only 10.  I also don't see Nintendo going with either the grunting protagonist that he's been since Ocarina of Time, or in the complete other direction as the smarmy teenager in the animated series.  I feel that regardless of what Nintendo and director Wes Ball and/or financier Sony decide to do regarding the direction to take Link or really any of the characters, there are going to be a lot of vocally pissed-off people for any given number of reasons:

• [Insert actor's name here] is all wrong to play [Insert character's name here.]
• [Insert actor's name here] is too young to play [Insert character's name here.]
• [Insert an actor of a particular ethnicity that offends you] shouldn't be playing [Insert character]
• I debated whether or not to put one this serious in a list of attempted comedy, but unfortunately, if they cast anyone who is not white passing in any role that is not Gannon, a Gruedo, a Goron, or a Zora (if they go with the friendly Zora species), there is going to be the same racist outcry you heard when Idris Elba was cast as Heimdall, or Halle Bailey as Ariel.
• [Insert actor's name here] is too old to play [Insert character's name here.]
• They made Link talk! Link shouldn't talk!
• They made Link silent!  Link should talk!
• They didn't base the story off of Ocarina of Time.
• They based the story off of Ocarina of Time.
• They based the story off of [Insert least favorite/most hated Legend of Zelda game]
• They didn't include the Master Sword.
• The Master Sword doesn't look like the Master Sword from the games.
• The Master Sword looks fake because it looks like the Master Sword from the games.
• [Insert actor's name here] is too ugly to play Zelda and I'm not attracted to her.
• They made Impa too old.
• They made Impa too young.
• Why didn't they include Impa!?
• They used too much CGI and everything looks fake!
• They should have used CGI to make the setting look more like Hyrule from the games!
• The movie lacks the emotional depth I feel when I play the games.
• They made a movie for kids and I'm not a kid!
• They made a movie for teenagers and it's inappropriate for kids.
• The movie is too violent.
• The movie isn't violent enough.
• They didn't use any of the music from the games!?
• Nicolas Cage was too distracting.
• Why did they decide to adapt Spirit Tracks of all games!?  (Is that just me?)

There are so many ways this movie could go wrong, and not only someone else's definition of "wrong," but my own as well.  I don't know if Link being silent the whole time would work in a live-action movie, but I don't know what Link should sound like, which is the same question that's been posed since it was first announced that Link would have a voice in Ocarina of Time.  Or they could take The Legend of Neil approach and have a person get sucked into a copy of The Legend of Zelda, which I think would be an exceedingly bad idea (which I already discussed when the Warcraft movie was first announced).  Maybe I'll just go a rewatch The Legend of Niel, now there's a live-action Legend of Zelda movie.

~JWfW/JDub/The Faceplantman/Jaconian
Once Undone, There Is Only Smoke